It has been a while since I last made a post. Considering how much time has passed, you would safely assume I learned a few things. You would be right, but as life goes the lessons hit you where it hurts.
The lesson can be hard truths and sometimes can be repeated as well. And we all know how annoying those can be, especially if you learned it the first time. In any case, my lessons have taught me quite a bit and have made me feel disappointed. Let’s see what I’ve learned for myself.
My work ethic is not amazing to look at. Even though, I do try and do some work here or there, it does need improvement. As much as my work ethic needs improvement, I still follow the same advice, one of my best friends gave me:
“Stay hungry, even if you’re just snackin”
Still, the case stands especially living with my family: I’ve become a very lazy bastard. It has gotten so bad, I’ve become a potato and going through life in a haze at this point in a blur. Either watching movies or playing some of my favorite games.
I should be more motivated with my bank account in the negative, and trying to get my business off the ground right? You would think I wasn’t inspired or motivated to do anything. Staying motivated is hard, and being consistent is even harder especially if you are trying to do a lot.
This lack of perspective comes from a sense I don’t really know how I present myself when it comes to people family, and friends included. To be more specific, I’m talking about how my actions and even non-action in the proximity of others.
I typically try my best to think outside of myself and tweak what I need to work on (sometimes). This is why I ask on occasion from people, “What do they think about me honestly?” because hindsight is 20/20, and I’m a very flawed human being. Sometimes I look back, and wonder what I could’ve done differently which I know is not productive but I can’t help but wonder, “What if?”
My lack of perspective comes from not seeing the full picture of myself in the eyes of others, and how I really am conducting myself. However it cuts, I still have a lot of growing to do and want to in my own way I guess redeem myself in my own eyes. Is it a foolish thing to think about and want?
The amount of thinking I do is ridiculous. I play imaginary scenarios in my head, ponder on ideas and philosophies that pique my interest, and dread the amount of work that I have/need to do.
My thinking has been a form of escape for me in a way. It helped me stay as creative as I do now, and let me see things from different points of view. In my head, I am thriving in my make-believe life compared to my real one. You might call this manifestation, but to me, it’s groundhog day. I think of either the same thing or similar in a constant loop.
What do I think about:
The list can go on, and on. In any case, it comes to the fact that my ever-amazing loop of a head keeps me in a state of stillness if that makes sense. I’m trying to give myself the push to keep going and achieve some piece of work one day at a time. It is all I can do.
Tackling one thing at a time can oftentimes be hard for me because I want to do everything, and I almost seem to forget that I have plenty of time, it’s just I need to prioritize what is important to me at the moment.
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